She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Drake has all the answers
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
