I've blown a few things in my day
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
