But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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