i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
