Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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