I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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