I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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