im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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