i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
