First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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