He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
