Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
