either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
