Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
