Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
