I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
