You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
