Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
