it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
