So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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