does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
