U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
