I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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