so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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