i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
