Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
