Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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