Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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