Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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