States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
