After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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