I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You pole danced in your parka.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
