I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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