If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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