I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
