"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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