have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
