I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I did not marry a roomba.
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