I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
