what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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