i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
