I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
