forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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