God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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