I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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