remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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