You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
