I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
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when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
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is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman