I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!