the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Randomize
