So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.