Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
