Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.