Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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