The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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