If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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