I wish I could teleport
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
