the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
