Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
