bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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