I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
