Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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