Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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