My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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