omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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