I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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