You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
