It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
