there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
