if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
