I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
