you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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