Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize