so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
