Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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