Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
