Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
